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Note: This play has Decapitation, misogynistic language and a guy wanting to rape his step-sister, among other things. The abridged version will have those things as well. Please read at your own discretion. ♥


Act One: Scene Two

Enter: Cloten and Those Two Lords

That One Guy #1: Dude, you smell. Change your shirt.

Cloten: There's no blood on it, it's fine

That One Guy #2: There wasn't any blood. But you still smell.

Cloten: He ran away from me that bastard!

That One Guy #2: He ran towards you. With a sword. You're... Not that bright, are you?

That One Guy #1:At least he's gone? He's far away from you now. 
That One Guy #2: [Aside] As many inches as you have oceans. Puppies! [/actual line] 

Cloten: I can't believe that my step-sister fell for him instead of letting my marry and/or rape her! 

That One Guy #1: Just remember what they say about women, they have brains or beauty, and your step-sister is HAWT.

Cloten: I'm going to go and totally not sulk in my room. You guys comine? 

Those Two Guys: Sure, why not. 
Exit: Cloten, Those Two Guys

End of: Act One: Scene Two




Act One: Scene Three

Enter: Imogen and Pisanio

Imogen: Oh my ♥LOVE♥ is gone! Did he tell you anything before he left? 

Pisanio: He talked about you. -______________-;

Imogen: And he waved his hankey? 

Pisanio: And kissed it. /tired of this romantic bullshit

Imogen: I'm envious of his hankerchief! 

Pisanio: You want him to blow his nose on you? Right. Can I go now? 

Imogen: Was all that happened? 

Pisanio: Nope, he stood there waving his handkerchief until I couldn't see him anymore, and probably after that, too. It didn't even take the long, the ship was moving fast. Away. From you. Like I want to do. Now please.

Imogen: YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED LONGER. 

Pisanio: I stayed a really long time as it was. How much longer should have stayed there? Troublesome. 

Imogen: YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED UNTIL THE STRINGS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR EYEBALLS AND LET YOUR SEE THINGS SNAPPED IN TWO AND YOU WERE BLIND AND COULD NEVER SEE AGAIN. THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO BECAUSE I AM IN TRUE FUCKING LOVE WITH HIM. /le woah is me

Pisanio: Because that's totally how eyesight works. 

Imogen: Do you know when I'll next hear from him?

Pisanio: As soon as he puts into port next he'll send you the letter. 

Imogen: WOAH IS ME. I miss him so. /sniff MY STUPID FATHER. Forcing us apart! Like Romeo and Juliet! ;___;

Pisanio: That's not going to come out for another few hundred years. Stop it. 

Enter: A Lady
A Lady: Your Queen, who is more certainly not a villain, wishes to see you. 

Imogen: Pisanio, go do those things I told you to. I'm going to the Queen.

Pisanio: Which would be what, again? Whatever. I'm gone.  

Exit: Everyone

End of: Act One: Scene Three


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