I'm Alive

[loracarol]

I’m sorry this is so late. I’m a horrible person. D:

I hope the characters manage to be in character, Superboy is just so hard for me to write, I’m sorry... As is this Superman. I wish we saw him more…

For a prompt on the YJ Anon Meme, here. Superman, Superboy and the song "I'm Alive" from Next to Normal. This fic isn't quite as angry as the song, though. >_>;;

---

Luthor smiled. It wasn’t a very pleasant smile. He held up a shining green rock, and Conner felt his body betray him as the pain hit. Wave after wave hit him as Luthor continued his assault with the green rock.

“Superman didn’t tell you?” He asked, as Conner cowered on the ground. Then- a red cape, and Superman was in front of him after shooting the kryptonite out of Luthor’s hand with his laser vision. Of course, Superman probably didn’t think that he could hold his own. Superman probably thought he was too weak to take whatever it was Luthor was throwing at him.

“I don’t need your help-!” Conner said, standing up, though it was painful. “Where is my team?”

“They’re already out, you should go join them” Superman said, dismissing him. Dammit. He wasn’t just some kid to send outside!

“I already said, I don’t need your help!” Conner said, leaping forward, but…

Kryptonite, that’s what it was.

Cadmus had uploaded it into his memory, hadn’t they? Why hadn’t he thought of it? (You wanted to prove yourself to Superman.) Conner barely had time to see Superman’s eyes widen as something hit him, and there was pain and black.

If he had stayed conscious, he would have seen Luthor escape as Superman protected Conner from the collapsing building. He would have seen Batman come through the dust and smoke to find them. He would have seen Superman get up to leave when Batman came, and Batman stopping him. He would have heard their hushed conversation, as Batman tried to shame Superman into staying.

“He’s going to need you” Batman said.

“I need to go.” Superman replied through gritted teeth. “I need to go home before I do something I’ll regret later.”

“To yourself, or to Luthor when you find him?”

“Does it matter?”

---

It took several hours to pull the kryptonite bullet out of Conner’s body, and the whole time, Superman was gone. A message came in, the day after the surgery, simply stating that the Fortress of Solitude had quite a bit of functioning medical equipment for those of Kryptonian decent, and the League might want to send Superboy there.

“He doesn’t even know Conner’s name” was the argument set forth by those who didn’t want Conner moved, but in the end the promise of more specialized medical care was the reason given for the move.

Unofficially it was to give Superman a chance, though he received no less than ten death threats if he blew it. Only one was from Conner’s team- and it was a group letter.

---

Conner woke up to a bright light, beeping, and Superman talking to him. Or at him. He wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to feel from it, though. Anger- though he had tried to temper it- was the main emotion. First Superman ignored him for who knows how long? And now he had the nerve to be talking to Conner while he was in the hospital? He didn’t realize that he had missed quite a bit of dialogue until he heard Superman stop himself.

“…No, not quite. The truth is… The truth is that the first time I saw you, I felt like I had been betrayed. And afterwards, I decided that it would probably be better for you if I wasn’t there. Br- Batman’s been telling me about you growing up, and about you choosing your own path, and that makes me really, really happy for you, really. And then I heard that you were doing well in school, and making friends, and I rationalized it that you wouldn’t need me around. That you were doing such a good job at being your own person, without me, without what you were made to do to me hanging over all of our heads.

“I guess I was wrong. I should have been there to explain what kryptonite does, I’m sorry.”

Superboy glared at him, though the glare was softened by the maturity he had gained from the time he had spent with his time. “My name is Conner, I’m alive” he croaked out. “I don’t want to replace you.”

“I know.”

“No. I don’t want to replace you.” Conner insisted firmly. He coughed a moment, as Superman handed him a cup of water. Taking a drink, he continued, “I was made to replace you, but I have my own team. I have my own friends. I have my own name, Conner Kent.” If Superman was surprised at the name, he didn’t show it. “I don’t want to be you. I want to be me.”

“I see.” Superman said, nodding slowly.

“Where am I? Where’s M’gann? Where's the team?” he asked, not looking at Superman.

“You’re in my Fortress of Solitude. Don’t look at me, I didn’t actually pick the name. M’gann is with J’onn, the rest of the team is at their homes."

“When can I leave?” Conner said, tugging at the IV in his arm. It came easily to his touch, and then there was a robot at his side making angry noises. At least, Conner assumed they were supposed to sound angry…

“Whenever you want.”

“No tricks?”

“No tricks. I’m not- I don’t want- I mean,” Superman sighed. “It’s nothing. I’ll go. If you want dinner, I’m going to go make something.” Conner’s eyebrows rose at that, “do you want anything in particular?”

Conner gained some satisfaction when he said “M’gann’s cooking” and Superman’s face fell for barely a millisecond. Then he nodded. “Fine, I’ll go call for a Javelin.”

“Can’t I just take a Zeta-Beam?”

“There isn’t one set up here, just like there isn’t one to the Batcave”, and in a flash of red, he was gone.

There was a set of drawers in the room, and when Conner opened them there was a black t-shirt (no S-shield he noticed to some dissatisfaction), some pants, and at foot of his bed were a pair of boots. Putting everything on, he walked out the door, and started heading to wear he heard Superman’s voice. As he got closer, he heard the conversation that Superman was having with Batman. Throughout it all Superman sounded… Resigned?

“-told you it wouldn’t work-” he was saying as Conner stood in the doorway. Part of him wanted to go out and talk to Batman, but part of him wanted to wait there, and see what was being said.

“I know, Batman, that it wouldn’t be easy. I already told you why, and I’m talking to J’onn about it. It’s been helping. But what do you want me to do if Conner doesn’t want me to be there? Force him?” Superman said his name. Superman said his name!

“I’m no Luthor” Superman spat out with venom Conner hadn’t realized Superman was capable of.

“No, I’m not going to let him traipse around the arctic right after getting shot. Alright, a week after being shot. Four hours, We’ll be waiting. Superman out.”

“Four hours?” Conner said, as Superman turned around. Superman didn’t even bat an eyelash. Super-hearing, probably.

“Yes. Javelin is the only thing I trust right now to get you back to your team in one piece.”

“I see.”

And awkward silence bloomed. Conner decided to bring up something he’d been thinking for a while.

“I mean what I said about not wanting to be your replacement” he said, crossing his arms defensively, and looking away.

He turned to look at Superman. “But, I do need to learn about what I can do. I’m here, I’m not going away. You’re not going to get rid of me.”

“No, I’m not. I’ve been reading some of your mission reports… You’ve been doing good with your team. I’m sure they’ll be happy to have you back.”

“In four hours.”

“In four hours. Since we’re waiting that long” Superman shifted, then plowed on “do you want something to eat? Ma sent me pie.”

“Ma?”

“My mother. She’s not too happy that she hasn’t had a chance to meet you. If you want, I could take you someday. She and Pa live on a farm, and she makes the best apple pie in the world.”

“Sounds good.”