all little boys 15
Dec. 23rd, 2011 08:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
loracarolGuess who hates writing fight scenes with a passion! Go on, guess~
This chapter bugs me quite a lot, so if anyone has any criticism of it, please tell me! Seriously, I would love to know~
At first, Wally decided that he wasn’t going to use his speed too much- he wanted to keep it as a surprise, just in case. He didn’t actually know if he would need a “just in case” with Hook, but having one wouldn’t actually hurt him in the long run.
Hook lunged towards him, swinging the blade in an arc that would have cut Wally across the chest had he not ducked in time. It wouldn’t have been a very deep cut, but still- a long and shallow cut like that would have proved to be troublesome.
The problem was that Wally was so used to fighting with his speed, that, while he had had some training from Black Canary, fighting the way he was fighting against Hook was more of Rob’s forte than his own.
‘Calm down Wally’ Peter was saying. ‘I want to be the one fighting, but I can’t even, so win. For both of us.’
‘Can do’ Wally said, dodging another sweep of the blade. He needed to make the fight go to his terms, instead of fighting on Hook’s… He did a quick scan to see if there was anything he could use to switch the fight up. He looked at the mast, and he had an idea.
Dodging around Hook, he ran straight at the mast, where, as expected, Hook swung the blade. It missed him, though, as Wally ran straight up the mast, and landed behind Hook, Hook’s sword stuck in the wood of the mast. Hook spun around to face his foe, eyes blazing.
“New trick, Peter?” He asked, voice deathly calm.
Wally and Peter shrugged. “I grew up.”
“I see. Well, if you want to fight hand to hand like ruffians, I suppose I can concede” Hook said, swinging his hook madly.
‘Something’s off about him’ Peter said, ‘he’s supposed to be the gentlemen pirate, not this.’
“What’s wrong Peter?” Hook said, swinging the hook terribly close to Peter’s face as Wally was preoccupied.
“You’re all wrong” Peter said, frustrated.
“You’re not the only one who grew up.” Hook said, smiling. “You were supposed to leave, and let us have our fun, but the world died when you left.”
“Stop it!” Peter said, “you’re wrong, you’re not Hook! You’re not my Hook!”
Hook stepped in closely to Wally’s face, and for a moment, both boys who occupied Hook’s body were terribly frightened. “I am, boy. But we all grew up and changed. And change isn’t always pleasant.”
Wally leaned back, and used the momentum to throw himself into a back handspring. He wasn’t as good as Robin, but he was proficient in cases of emergency, and Hook becoming unhinged was most definitely an emergency.
“Than this needs to end, right now!” Wally said, running at Hook with full speed. Hook’s hook was cutting close to his face, but he simply rolled it off, and fell into a crouch as he caught up to Hook, sweeping Hook’s legs out from under him. Hook hit the deck, and as he did, Wally shoved Hook’s hook into the wood of the deck so it couldn’t swing around wildly. He kneeled, partially on the deck, and partially on Hook’s ribcage, holding Hook down with a hand on Hook’s throat, and a hand holding the hook in place.
“I’ve won” he said, quietly. “I grew up, and so did you, apparently. But, I grew up and passed that, and you’ve been stuck in the past. I’ve won. You forfeit.”
“And now what?” Hook said, softly. “We go back to being old Captain Hook fighting Peter Pan? To me always losing? We’ve grown accustomed to your absence, to actually having a chance, what is it we do now?”
Peter stood up, helping Hook up, despite the oddness of the occasion, and the fact that it was his mortal enemy.
After all, Hook always lost. Was that fair? Was it fair that, no matter how hard they tried, they were doomed to be locked in this battle, with the pirates always on the losing end, no matter what?
“I actually have an idea” Wally said. “Maybe.” He smiled, “it’s not fair, is it?”
“It’s life” Hook said, “it’s never been fair. We’ve had a lot of time to think about it, with you gone.”
Everyone else looked at Peter and Hook like they were crazy, which was honestly- a possibility.
But, it was Neverland, so it was okay.
This chapter bugs me quite a lot, so if anyone has any criticism of it, please tell me! Seriously, I would love to know~
At first, Wally decided that he wasn’t going to use his speed too much- he wanted to keep it as a surprise, just in case. He didn’t actually know if he would need a “just in case” with Hook, but having one wouldn’t actually hurt him in the long run.
Hook lunged towards him, swinging the blade in an arc that would have cut Wally across the chest had he not ducked in time. It wouldn’t have been a very deep cut, but still- a long and shallow cut like that would have proved to be troublesome.
The problem was that Wally was so used to fighting with his speed, that, while he had had some training from Black Canary, fighting the way he was fighting against Hook was more of Rob’s forte than his own.
‘Calm down Wally’ Peter was saying. ‘I want to be the one fighting, but I can’t even, so win. For both of us.’
‘Can do’ Wally said, dodging another sweep of the blade. He needed to make the fight go to his terms, instead of fighting on Hook’s… He did a quick scan to see if there was anything he could use to switch the fight up. He looked at the mast, and he had an idea.
Dodging around Hook, he ran straight at the mast, where, as expected, Hook swung the blade. It missed him, though, as Wally ran straight up the mast, and landed behind Hook, Hook’s sword stuck in the wood of the mast. Hook spun around to face his foe, eyes blazing.
“New trick, Peter?” He asked, voice deathly calm.
Wally and Peter shrugged. “I grew up.”
“I see. Well, if you want to fight hand to hand like ruffians, I suppose I can concede” Hook said, swinging his hook madly.
‘Something’s off about him’ Peter said, ‘he’s supposed to be the gentlemen pirate, not this.’
“What’s wrong Peter?” Hook said, swinging the hook terribly close to Peter’s face as Wally was preoccupied.
“You’re all wrong” Peter said, frustrated.
“You’re not the only one who grew up.” Hook said, smiling. “You were supposed to leave, and let us have our fun, but the world died when you left.”
“Stop it!” Peter said, “you’re wrong, you’re not Hook! You’re not my Hook!”
Hook stepped in closely to Wally’s face, and for a moment, both boys who occupied Hook’s body were terribly frightened. “I am, boy. But we all grew up and changed. And change isn’t always pleasant.”
Wally leaned back, and used the momentum to throw himself into a back handspring. He wasn’t as good as Robin, but he was proficient in cases of emergency, and Hook becoming unhinged was most definitely an emergency.
“Than this needs to end, right now!” Wally said, running at Hook with full speed. Hook’s hook was cutting close to his face, but he simply rolled it off, and fell into a crouch as he caught up to Hook, sweeping Hook’s legs out from under him. Hook hit the deck, and as he did, Wally shoved Hook’s hook into the wood of the deck so it couldn’t swing around wildly. He kneeled, partially on the deck, and partially on Hook’s ribcage, holding Hook down with a hand on Hook’s throat, and a hand holding the hook in place.
“I’ve won” he said, quietly. “I grew up, and so did you, apparently. But, I grew up and passed that, and you’ve been stuck in the past. I’ve won. You forfeit.”
“And now what?” Hook said, softly. “We go back to being old Captain Hook fighting Peter Pan? To me always losing? We’ve grown accustomed to your absence, to actually having a chance, what is it we do now?”
Peter stood up, helping Hook up, despite the oddness of the occasion, and the fact that it was his mortal enemy.
After all, Hook always lost. Was that fair? Was it fair that, no matter how hard they tried, they were doomed to be locked in this battle, with the pirates always on the losing end, no matter what?
“I actually have an idea” Wally said. “Maybe.” He smiled, “it’s not fair, is it?”
“It’s life” Hook said, “it’s never been fair. We’ve had a lot of time to think about it, with you gone.”
Everyone else looked at Peter and Hook like they were crazy, which was honestly- a possibility.
But, it was Neverland, so it was okay.
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(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-26 09:45 am (UTC)I can see that you're uncomfortable with fighting scenes. I still liked reading it. I suppose the only thing I could suggest is to not make the fight seem so linear. I guess what I mean is that it kinda reads like a turn based RPG fight. Like a pokemon battle on a gameboy. Try making things seem to happen simultaneously? It will make it seem faster paced because the characters will always be acting rather than reacting.
I don't know. I'm not much of a writer, so I'm not sure how much of a help I am.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-26 11:47 pm (UTC)Okay, I totally see what you mean with the linearness, and yeah, I guess I *do* write like an RPG... ^^; Thank you for the heads-up! I'll look out for it from now on, and I may even rewrite the fight scene at some point in time. ^_^
It was actually very helpful, so you know. ♥